This is a public service announcement to all the men out there
I understand that posting a profile online gives you some sort of anonymity but think about real life for a second and tell me, would you walk up to a complete stranger in a bar and say the following things to her:
- I see you are drinking Whiskey, would you ever consider using whiskey while giving me an oral favor?
- Excuse me, I couldn’t help but over-hear that you like horror films. When you get scared do you ever, ya know, pee your pants from terror?
- I recently have developed diabetes, due to my lack of nutritional intake and have discovered that I can no longer perform naturally. I have developed a fetish involving Swiss Cheese, would that be something you are interested in?
- Wow this is weird, normally I wouldn’t be talking to someone I have no interest in dating, but I wanted to tell you that I would hate to see you give up on your film dreams
- I would like to tell you that I do not like the way you do your hair.
- Nice Boobs
- I hate to bother you, but do you like to play with animals in a sexual way?
I also have some other tips for the men out there looking for love.
#1 Holding a puppy in your picture does not automatically qualify you as a decent loving guy. Hell for all we know you beat up some little kid, just to steal the puppy to have him in the picture.
#2 Would you drop your pants at a bar? If not, then why make your main profile picture of you from the waist down?
#3 The bathroom is a place that has the worst lighting for anyone in the world, so trust me, you posing in front of your bathroom mirror does not flatter you.
#4 The many different “myspace” angles of you making various “tough guy” faces only shows girls out there that you have not one friend who will help you out and take a picture of you.
#5 Referring back to #1, including children, grandmothers, and flowers does not automatically deem you a nice guy.
#6 We get it, you’re an “artist” but posing with you holding a guitar with a somber face on, does not make you talented and brooding.
#7 If you are trying to break away from the “Meat-Head” stereotype, then put down the hair gel, change out of your pink shirt and stop having every picture of you drinking a beer at some bar.
#8 Glamour Shots never worked for girls, so why should it work for you?
#9 We get it, you like Sports
#10 If you are the one that wanted to post a profile, then please don’t have group shots only of you and your friends and then not disclose which one you are.
Other tips for men when filling out their profiles:
#1 Getting your master’s = you don’t have a job
#2 I am an artist not some corporate drone= you don’t have a job
#3 I work hard but I play even harder=You will never have time for a significant other, all you want is some arm candy and someone to service you on your command.
#4 TYPING A PROFILE LIKE THIS ONLY MEANS THAT YOU ARE TOO DUMB TO REALIZE THE CAP LOCK WAS ON. IT DOESN”T MAKE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING.
#5 I have been through enough that I tend to be a bit picky nowadays=You must be a size 0 to enter this ride..
This is just some simple tips to help the men out there this is scary world of dating. Lord knows I’m not an expert, but I have certainly been around the block!
